Shades of Milk and Honey (Kindle)
O It just gives me a fucking headache You may teaze #me but Mr Vincent s praise s valuable for being rare To her surprize Mr Vincent had come to callHaphazard fucking #but Mr Vincent s praise s valuable for being rare To her surprize Mr Vincent had come to callHaphazard fucking of British spelling vs American Sometimes things are spelled with an ou wherein the US we would simply spell t with an o The SAME FUCKING WORDS are spelled differently Reitergayschichten I in the book Honor and honour Apologizes given the American spelling nstead of properly spelled n the British way as apologise Favorite US Helicopter Pilot in Vietnam is usednstead of favourite There Harry's Bar: The Life Times of the Legendary Venice Landmark is no ends to thenconsistencies within this bookThe Characters Straight out of Austen with none of the details of personality that makes the original a classicOne could call Jane an PP s Elizabeth Bennett wannabe but I prefer to call her a motherfucking doormat Oh I know perfectly well that Traces in the Desert: Journeys of Discovery across Central Asia in that age women were expected to be docile Theres such a thing as being gentle natured without laying yourself flat on the floor and asking people to walk all over you Elizabeth and Emma are good examples of how a Regency woman can be strong minded while not being a fucking わたしに××しなさい! 3 [Watashi ni xx Shinasai! 3] incompetent nincompoop who does nothing but mope and whine all freaking dayJanes a martyr She German at a Glance: Phrase Book Dictionary for Travelers is plaaaaaaaain Plain Jane Beloved by her daddy but plain and a spinster nonetheless She loves Dunkirk She s unwilling to do anything to get him She s half torn by his attraction to him and her desire to do good by her sister whos courting him so Blühende Heide in essence we get a lot ofnternal wangst and emo and not a whole lot of action at all Jane Alchemy and Arcana: an Urban Fantasy Novella Collection is really really dull I would say that s a conseuence of her name but that would be annsult to all the glorious Janes worldwide Including our revered Jane Austen herselfMisters before Sisters Melody stopped and tossed her head eyes sparkling And I thought better of you Jealousy Once Upon a Secret: My Affair with President John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath is unbecoming on you dear sister Its not my fault he finds me beautiful You want PP s Jane and Elizabeth s loving sisterly relationship Fuck you says this book Melody s like Kitty and Jane s well PP s Jane without the beauty without the personality without the sweetness with all of the George V's Children inaction with a truckload ofnternal pettiness piled onto her Why do we like Jane again Oh she s the main character Well alrighty thenJane resents her sister for her beauty She secretly relishes Melody s lack of ntelligence compared to her own She secretly wants Melody out of the way so she can date pardon me la Dreamy Dunkirk She had not hitherto allowed herself to hope but f Melody s affections had truly transferred to Captain Livingston that would remove the most mmediate obstacle to Mr Dunkirk It left her plainness and her awkward carriage but to a man such as him might these things be overlooked n favour of her talent Melody Brotherhood of Thieves: The Wardens is beautiful but conniving and bitchy Shes envious of Jane for her talents How to Become an It Architect in glaaaaaaaaaamour and constantly belittles Jane every chance she s got In front of all the boys That s just mean Melodys deceptive bitchy shallow Though she knew that she should aid her sister Shaking Behind the Microphone: Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking in making a match Jane could not stomach the games that Melody played There s also a sick scene that was just pathetic Melodys a combination of PP s Lydia and Kitty Kitty s shallowness and brainlessness and Lydia s compulsion and Lamikorda idiocy And like Lydiat s only too easy to see where Melody will end upThe Rooooomance Jane Garou Saga: Who's Who Werewolves isn love with Dunkirk but there s kind of not really a love triangle because we know all along who shes s going to end up with This man we ll call him Mr V sn t uite Darcy Darcy s subtle Darcy s polite Darcy s all that a gentleman should be Mr VHis jaw clenched and he seemed about to say something but the moment passed and his anger subsided made his sneer deepen smirked his teeth bared as he snapped his reply More like a hound of the Baskervilles than a man Mr V Complete Guide to the TOPIK (advanced) is as subtle as a brick to the faceThe Magic What s the fucking point There s nothing to the magic It comes from hidden stringsn the air people don t have to be born with t It s like motherfucking embroidery only men can do t too And with all the maaaaaaaaaagical magic t s being used for nothing but motherfucking party decoration There it s being used for nothing but motherfucking party decoration There combination of glamour and paint contrived to turn the hall nto a nymph s grove Though yet ncomplete the llusion teazed the spectators with scents of wild flowers and the spicy fragrance of ferns Just out of sight a brook babbled Motherfucking OOOOOOOOOOOOH What s the point Where did all this magic come from If Zbogom, dragi Krleža it s so powerful why aren t people usingt Why Firesoul ist completely optional If the strings are so fucking Jonathan Franzen: The Comedy of Rage invisible how come anyone can see them and pull on themf they want to Isn t You Are the Rain it completely contradictory to havenvisible glamour strings that you can see and pull and manipulate Can I please have some freaking explanationsUgh What a waste of time I m going to go reread Mr Darcy Takes a Wife Darcy and Elizabeth fucking each other like rabbits had depth than this boo. Hreatened she finds that she must push her skills to the limit Cycle Style in order to set things right andn the process accidentally wanders Artscroll Children's Siddur into a love story of her ownThis debut novel from an award winning talent scratches a literarytch you never knew you had Like wandering onto a secret picnic attended by Pride and Prejudice and Jonathan Strange Mr Norre.
Mary Robinette Kowal È 0 reviewGood God I resent this book so #Much For Not Being Awesome Georgette Heyer #for not being awesome Georgette Heyer me n the mood for another regency and combine that with fantasy SoldI want a refund The Heyer danced along sparkly with charm this book plodded leaving me with an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia and boredom at the shallowness and banality and Iron Cross insipidity of well to do country life The conversation didn t sparkle wittilyt clunked And the heroine was frankly too stupid to keep breathingMostly though I resent the muddle The magic here Zachary's Virgin is glamour a womanly art ofllusion used largely "For Entertainment It Is Both Dismissed And " entertainment It s both dismissed and largely by men Hello metaphor for the entire practice of upper class female husband snaring existence But Kowal seems to have no real control over that and the overlapping stories of lies and truths are a mess With a vapid little lesson about how real art reuires passion plunked on top Feh Romance and Regency go hand n hand but then so does ArtAll the most talented ladies are skilled n the art of subterfuge and seeming are they notWell not Jane She s conflicted about using Glamour and refuses to make herself seem pretty than she s while also being rather talented than the rest of her family Sure Torah With Ramban's Commentary Translated, Annotated, And Elucidated: Devarim/Deuteronomy (Artscroll) its a common thing to know and use Glamourn the Regency era Didn t you know Magic s real and no only can you create wonderful murals and play wonderful music without the gross aids of base paints or the piano forte but t also gives us a tapestry to work out our own personal dramas How delightfulI ve always liked stories that bring up the conflict between lies and bringing forth truth from them Passion and the heart were always best served through fiction and not stark reality As an opener nto the series t serves delightfully as a simple romance with silly girls getting nto trouble and eligible men causing so much pain and ruckus sigh But this s the nature of reality sigh The novel sn t the most brilliant that I ve read and t s simplicity serves the magic than the other way around and that s fineStill don t trust the blurb that this Time Capsule is much like the books listed there Think Urban Fantasy meets Regency Romance and you ll be fine This was anncredibly frustrating book The charm of Austen lies Hot Under the Collar in the style of writing light wittynsightful elegant and able to skewer Regency life at a moment s notice And while Shades of Milk and Honey makes sure to pack Horses in plenty of Regency manners and swooning the writing styles so jarring that I ended up reading passages aloud to other people just to confirm that they really did make no damn senseThe author reuses words at an amazing pace freuently the same word Goblin King is repeatedn back to back sentences sometimes three or four times The Luthier's Apprentice in a paragraph Worse sometimes the author uses words she clearly doesn t understand droll fornstance Factories in the Field: The Story of Migratory Farm Labor in California is applied to a completely humourless character multiple times and appears to have been confused with a word that means curt or shortnstead of amusing Sometimes she uses the archaic spelling of a word chuse sometimes she uses the modern spelling Occasionally she ll use a word that s archaic and proceeds to misuse t nuncheon does not mean lunch repeatedly When you combine these bizarre word choices with laboured sentences that are borderline Villa Mendl: Leben und Schicksal der Ankerbrot-Erbin Bettina Mendl incomprehensible the experiences like thumping down a stretch of rapids nstead of Austen s effortless babbling brookThe plot doesn t even get started until halfway through at which point I already hate Brat and Doormat which might as well be the names of the central sisters Most of the characters n this book are so glaringly based on well known Austen characters that Schlechter Sex 2 it seems too obvious and I waitedn vain for the twist that would make them new and exciting No such luck New Jewish Voices: Plays Produced by the Jewish Repertory Theatre if anything they were stripped of all endearing ualities and hammered flatnto one dimensional puppets The magic elements are explained n detail but are completely ncidental to the story By the end we ve given up all pretense of being n an Austen novel and have stumbled nto some sort of uasi Gothic adventure scene I was just so happy to have gotten to the last pages I didn t even care anyI bought the book because I love Austen and many Austeny spin offs and because I thought the conceit of magic being a womanly art was pretty cool But now I m just wondering what the hell reviewers were thinking Sword and Sorceress 24 in recommending this read Having done a little diggingt looks like Kowal s the VP of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America I can t help but wonder f the circles she moves n has caused her writing to be overrated as I have no dea why this particular book merited the sort of publicity push The Riptide Ultra-Glide it s currently experiencing I wish I hadn t readt This book Die Sanduhr is like Jane Austen s worksn the way that a genetically modified out of season greenhouse tomato s like a cherry Sure they re technically both classified as fruits They re red They re juicy looking Shades of Milk and Honey s an Ghetto intimate portrait of Jane Ellsworth a woman ahead of her timen a world where the manipulation of glamour s considered an essential skill for a lady of uality But despite the prevalence of magic n everyday life other aspects of Dorchester’s society are not that different Jane and her sister Melody’s lives still ,
Hey re attractive The difference s that #When You Bite Into Said GMO Tomato #you bite nto said GMO tomato tastes like mealy mushy tasteless crap This book That Yankee Cat: The Maine Coon is the euivalent of a limp tasteless slice of tomato on a McDonalds hamburger Why bother You re just going to pickt off and throw t away anyway Or maybe that s just me I hate raw tomatoesThis book tries way too hard The main character s a doormat Her love Ghost Stories of Washington interests not so much Darcy as he American Espionage and the Soviet Target is Jane Eyre s Rochester yes I know they re not by the same author played by a 9th grade drama student with aspirations of playing Heathcliff whosenspiration for Heathcliff yes I know that s yet another book comes from The Simpsons Ned Flander s portrayal of Stanley Kowalski n A Streetcar Named Desire I "KNOW THEY RE ALL BY DIFFERENT AUTHORS THAT S NOT THE FREAKING POINTSorry for all the literary references " THEY RE ALL BY DIFFERENT AUTHORS THAT S NOT THE FREAKING POINTSorry for all the literary references really I m just n a fucking bad mood right now after reading this book and I don t care The characters are extremely similar to Austen s with none of the complexity resulting n characters that are predictable and dull The language s both pretentious Shew Shewed Chuze Chusing and nconsistent There s no sisterly love Expecting Elizabeth and Jane Don t hold your breath It s like Fanny and Lydia I KNOW THEY RE NOT IN THE SAME BOOK1111 There s no fucking point to the magic None It s literally fucking window decoration There s no explanation Poof Magic sparkly dragon fairy dust everywhere and hidden glamour strings being pulled out of thin air like a used fucking tampon string within some The Thinking Beekeeper: A Guide to Natural Beekeeping in Top Bar Hives invisible female unicorn What s the fucking pointThe Plot We ren Jane Austen era England Hooray Our main character s named Jane Hooray She has a sister a beautiful beautiful beautiful sister named Melody the loveliest maiden n the entire fucking shire the English shire not the Middle Earth Shire although Die vier Jahreszeiten it would be pretty epicf there were an Elven PP I would watch the shit out of thatJane has a doting father and a fussy mother who does nothing but whine and gossip and worry about her daughters marriage prospects I m shocked Their estate Mituri, rituri, simboluri în societatea contemporană is entailedn favor of a male relative Such wonder Such surprise A new neighbor has moved Kyoko Karasuma Bd. 5 in a Mr Dunkirk No Hes a kind handsome young gentleman reserved and polite I never He has a young very shy little sister named Elizabeth 16 years old and not yet debuted Oh my whom he dotes on Said beloved sister s so beloved so protected because she HAS A DARK DEEP SECRET DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN I WONDER WHAT THE SECRET COULD BEThere s a young charming handsome military man named Livingston who gambles and flirts who might or might not have a dark dastardly wascally wabbit secret There s a dark brooding man named Mr Vincent who does nothing but sneer ok he might belong n Jane Eyre The Huguenot Sword insteadf our beloved Rochester has the personality of a moldy potato and none of the good looks and you might recall Rochester was never much of a looker to begin withIt depends on which BBC production you watch of course but I d rather not give the dude Poetic Machinations: Allegory, Surrealism, and Postmodern Poetic Form in this book the benefit of the doubtSo the love fuckery I mean you could callt a love triangle but again I m In the Shadow of Empires in a pretty fucking foul mood right now You would be toof you read 300 pages of nothingJane admires Captain Livingston while secretly n love with Mr Dunkirk who admires Jane but shows all the attention to Melody who flirts with Dunkirk and flirts with Mr Vincent and flirts with Captain Livingston hell anything with a penis who s not her father oh right t s a Regency I m not supposed to say the word penis Or tampon now that I think about The 101 Dalmatians it Or curse Crap Vincent doesn t give a fuck about anyone and snarls at Jane while showing shewing attention upon Melody Livingstons flirting with Melody while choosing chusing chuzing Make up your mind fucking book to bestow his attention upon another SECRET YOUNG LADY WHO HE REALLY SHOULDN T BE SEEING I wonder who the mysterious very young very off limits lady could be11And From Pocahontas to Power Suits: Everything You Need to Know about Women's History in America in the middle of all this magic glamours used to decorate everything and to make things pretty and sparkly and brightAch mein headThe Fucking Language Be fucking consistent It tries too fucking hard This book tries to use the antiuated language of Austen days which would work EXCEPT IT ONLY DOES SO WHEN IT FEELS LIKE ITShew shewed shewn AKA Show showed shown Here written as shewn for the entire fucking book except when the author forgets to do so SHEW SHEW SHEW SHEW GAAAAAAAAAAAH IT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH Beth was out of sorts however and the enthusiasm she had shown before dinner seemed to be smothered under a layer of melancholy vs They were shewn to the library with Jane s mother accompanying them as chaperonChuse Choose The Story of the Orchestra is written as chuse chuse chuuuuuuuuuuse except when the modern forms used She would not have chosen to meet him next Only Say the Word in this mannerTeaze Surprize Really what was the fucking point The ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ makest so much fucking authentic Evolve around vying for the attentions of eligible men Jane resists this fate and rightly so while her skill with glamour s remarkable t s her sister who s fair of face and therefore wins the lion’s share of the attention At the ripe old age of twenty eight Jane has resigned herself to being nvisible forever But when her family’s honor s